I got an offer in the mail last week – join AARP and get a free tote bag! I’m (just barely but it counts) still in my thirties, people.


Here are the possibilities:

  1. AARP got wind of the fact that I found two gray hairs. They probably are in cahoots with Facebook who is 100% spying on me with my phone camera. Fuck, they probably knew about the gray hairs before I did.
  2. They know how much I listen to podcasts, many affiliated with NPR, and assume that I cannot resist a good tote bag.
  3. They think that I am much, much richer than I am, on the verge of early retirement.

I prefer to believe option 3. Thanks, AARP! You’re wrong, but it’s nice that people think so highly of me.

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