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What am I even doing?

I’m trying to decide whether to keep blogging or give it up. I promised my brother, who is by nature of being younger than me not as wise as I am, that I would give it a year. It’s been about three and a half months. I thought I would run out of things to say in a month, but it turns out I can talk your ear off if you’ll let me.

It’s not that I don’t have anything to say. It’s that 1) I feel like a fraud because we have so much stupid debt and I can talk a big game but we keep having stupid debt. And 2) the only way I see out of this stupid debt is by doing more freelancing but that seems impossible when I’m spending so much time writing and rewriting and rerewriting and then trashing it all and starting over. And also 3) I’m actually kind of grossed out with my obsession with money. Can I admit that? I hate how much I think about debt, how much I’m willing to give up so that I can freelance so that we can have more money. I want to be a person who – well, let’s be honest. I want to be a person who lives in a hut on a mountainside and eats nuts and berries and eschews technology.

But I’m not that person, I’m a person who spent 20K on a new bathroom and a half, a person who thinks that kids should have blowout birthday parties, a person who checks Facebook 452,000 times a day even after I unfollowed every single person on my friends list except that one lady who is making a billion dollars in an MLM because I am so freaking fascinated.

I moved down to a three-posts-per-week schedule, which is more manageable, but can I justify that when I’m on track to finish this month $1500 behind my freelance schedule?

Can I justify my renewed interest in Facebook now that I joined a bunch of FI groups? Do I need to be checking the Internet 20 times an hour because somebody might say something relevant? How often can one check their WordPress stats?

Three per week is manageable. I love writing. I can exercise some self-control (the only kind of control I hate) and leave some Facebook group posts unread.

So here are some goals: write less, hit my freelance goals, back off of Facebook some, sit outside in the sunshine every once in awhile.

12 thoughts on “What am I even doing?”

  1. Don’t give up~I really enjoy reading your posts! You have a unique perspective and an equally unique style of writing!

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  2. I think the question is: Why are you blogging? What about it brings you joy or helps you acheive some goal? From what I’ve read on your blog (and I do enjoy reading it and our comment convos!), you’re all about a middle approach to FI. You want to enjoy life while you’re in it and the financial part will sort itself out. That’s not a very common approach in the FI blogging world. Cutting back to a three times a week schedule is nice, but even once a week could be a nice outlet for you.

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    1. This is a good question. The problem is (is this a problem?) that when I start writing out a post, I get so involved in it that I want to do that all morning, and then suddenly, it’s mid-day and I haven’t done any freelancing and nobody’s brushed their teeth. I think I need to find balance. Which is maybe the entire point of the blog?

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      1. Have you considered using a timer? If the problem with blogging is it’s taking up too much of your time that needs to be spent on something else, then set a hard time limit for yourself. When the timer goes off, stop. If you can’t make your blog post on time, we will be sad, but it’s not the end of the world, right? Alternatively, if it’s the editing that’s taking up too much of your time because you just want it to be perfect, then get someone else to do it who is not so attached to the words. Good luck!

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      2. These are both great ideas! I’m feeling a little bit better now that I’m just posting three times a week, but I need to evaluate it over the long term. I will totally keep this in mind!

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  3. Just wanted to say that I found this blog on a list of women FI writers (https://treadlightlyretireearly.com/2018/01/18/meet-the-women-of-the-financial-independence-movement/ if you’re interested) and this one is by far my favorite. What makes this one different I think is the openness and thoughtfulness of the writing – so many FI blogs are so overconfident and mansplainy (even when they’re written by women) – I really appreciate how non-judgmental this one is. That’s why I don’t think you should feel like a fraud about your debt – you definitely don’t come across as “talking a big game.” You seem like a real honest person who’s trying to figure it out, like we all are. So I hope you keep writing.

    That said, I have been super impressed (and baffled) how you are able to juggle three kids, a full time career, and a side gig that seems to be a second full time job, while updating your blog EVERY SINGLE DAY. I have only a job and two kids (who are in zero activities) and I find even getting to the grocery store pretty impossible. I have no idea how you’re doing it, and cutting back to three posts a week (or even once a week) seems extremely reasonable to preserve your sanity.

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    1. This is so nice of you to say. I am going to keep doing this, probably three times a week. In answer to your point about managing everything…well, that’s a whole blog post but a lot of it comes down to “I’m not well and anxiety bowls me over if I am not 100% productive 100% of the time.”

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  4. Please don’t stop writing. I’ve never commented on a blogpost in my life and I’ve been reading blogs for about 20 years. I love the wisdom of your writing so much that I come here every day to see if you have posted anything new. I’m sure you have lots of people like me who will be really sad if you stopped posting. I do understand if you go down to 3 posts a week but your clarity and point of view is too valuable to not share it with the world. Maybe you could consider this your volunteer work because I’m sure you are helping lots of people in so many ways that you don’t even realize. I’m already FI and I just come here for your perspective on the world.

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  5. I’m glad to hear you’re going to keep going – I’ve been a voracious reader of FI blogs for ~5 years (apparently I have 60 in my Feedly) but I agree that you’re one of my favourites, and the first one I click on when it appears on the list. I love that you give voice to the internal struggle we all have about when to spend and when to save! Also, let me echo how amazed I am by your incredible ability to do so much. I can’t imagine side hustling as much as you do #goalz

    BUT, as much as I want your voice in my reader every day, if posting less often is healthier for you. I’d rather hear from you less often for longer than if you burn out and stop posting all together!

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    1. Thank you, too! I was operating under the assumption that the handful of readers I was drawing in were mostly contractually obligated (er, blood relatives), so this is very nice to read.

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